the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
