i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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