one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
