I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
