Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize