You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
