He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
