my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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