I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His hands were made for my vagina.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
