Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize