i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Still dying that you shit outside
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
