she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
