i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
