I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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