i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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