well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
