i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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