he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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