Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize