i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
