Soap is not a condiment
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
