You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
