Cold hands, warm shart.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's like heaven, but drunker
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
