even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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