i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
