You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
