Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I want her autograph on my taint
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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