wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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