Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
