Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
