So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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