we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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