you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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