I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
