i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A bitchslap is in order.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
