Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't deserve a penis
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
