Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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