..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
