Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
