Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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