new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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