ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have aggressive nipples.
i now understand why vodka
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize