I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I came so hard my ears popped.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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