Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
