in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
