its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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