Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
