u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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