i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
