Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
