He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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