do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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