Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
