smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
