you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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