ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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