I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
