areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
