i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
