I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
