I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
