i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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