I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
