No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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