sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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