if i can run in heels then i can drive
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
