I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
