Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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