guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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