I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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