Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
