one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize