i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
