I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
