It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
