all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
