Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
