come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
