so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
