woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
