nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize