he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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