Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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