dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
