the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I want her autograph on my taint
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
