you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
