We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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