I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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