can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
