I'm gonna have a badass scar
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They took my balls.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
