before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
