Ambien. No doubt about it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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