You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
