is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
should my penis look like a turkey
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
