I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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