i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
