She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You pole danced in your parka.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
