I only kidnapped one of them. chill
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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