ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize