So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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