remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
