1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
