why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
