I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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